Solacio Alma

Something in the cupboard is moving to wordpress guys :) now you can find my posts on solacioalma.wordpress.com instead! Goodbye blogspot!

Chances

SUCCESSFUL TABLE OUTING HAPPENED it was really fun haha im gonna miss this table while im in taiwan :( and generally now that school is out until february.

It seems like half the world has gone to Ophir for YLTC i cant seem to reach anyone because their phones got taken ;( who do i text now :( i think my OGL mates are probably also there so i cant start anything now hahaha.

While im talking i'd like to clear up something about the taiwan people. I dont particularly have anything against them, but while talking to other people makes me happy or energises me, doing anything with them is just tiring, draining and rather irritating. Interaction with them is a waste of my time and energy then, i feel, so as much as possible i avoid them. If im aggressive to them it's because they're wasting my time (happens a lot) and i want them out of my face asap. Before, nothing i seemed to do would elicit much from them, so my efforts are probably better spent elsewhere anyway. Better to talk to someone who needs a listening ear than to someone who's just going to ignore you, hm? Some think i should give them another chance. But read: i already am a person prone to giving chances and so far they havent taken any of them so im withdrawing my cards from the table. If any of them can prove to me that interaction with them is -not- a waste of my time and energy, then perhaps i might yield, but until then i either put in all my effort (wont happen here) or none at all. I dont half-ass things like this.

WHOOSHWHOOSH

Hey guys, my blog has finally hit 1000 views hahahaha thanks you all (even though i dont post regularly). I know some sensitive stuff comes up here but that's the idea i guess.

Anyway the final OGL allocations were just released and my OG is PERFECT. I've got the JH4 Vanessa to help me connect to the IP next year, I can work really well with Glenys, Zhanyan is really hardworking (read: GETS THINGS DONE) and Reuven... I dont even need to explain ;););) great OG i just hope they can carry team for me on the first, maybe second day. More details on that personally, or when the time comes for my grand plan ;)

Moving on, those who know me better probably know im quite buaysong with the taiwan people now. No hard feelings really, but they are really not worth my time and energy. There are people who need it more, i feel, so any interaction with them i see as a waste of time. Dont question me about shunning them :o

Outing with my table is confirmed for this tuesday and I AM SO PUMPED this is gonna be great our first table outing :):):)

放射性

The title means radioactivity. Radioactive is one of my favourite songs, just saying! Lately i've been rather musically inspired, what with learning how to play Zimmer's Time and Chopin's Nocturne. I was thinking i should get more into the habit of watching music on youtube (it'll probably help right). Every time i play Time (see what i did there) it's like my mind is re-blown. It's such an amazing song, but always gets me sad after listening to it :( i relate to the futile feeling that can come with contemplating the inexorable passage of time.

Content lectures started yesterday and WOW SO SIAN i have like huge breaks everywhere that i dont know what to do with D: i finish at 10am tomorrow (good job on the schedule there nj). Cant wait for them to finish then i can sleep in all i want 😴😴😴

Incendiaries

OP has been over for awhile, and life is finally starting to get more relaxing. Well, almost anyway. Past few days i was out with Heather or softball peeps and i really enjoyed myself! Today was a bit different though.

I went to yishun for training today and it was quite fun actually. Then i had to come to school for taiwan rehearsal. Oh did i resent that.

I spent pretty much all my time there scolding them and blowing up in general. I dont know really why, but i just really buaysong at them today lor. That probably wont change though. I left early too cuz i couldnt stand being around them. It's probably better that i... Distance myself from them anyway haiz. I was actually in a really good mood this morning but they completely wrecked that.

Can you imagine i have to be in taiwan for almost three weeks with them i dont know how im gonna avoid blowing up more and more

All-in

I'm going to begin writing the letter to send to prospective JCs. The verdict on softball isn't out yet, but when it does I want to be prepared. Nothing has really happened to keep me in this school yet, so better safe.

OP preparations are going well, I -think-. I really want it to be over with so i can start enjoying life :( sian why mine so late.

Of note is the impending taiwan trip. With a waning or perhaps non-existent sense of belonging among them enjoying the trip is something i can only hope for. Communication will probably be a problem due to my woefully inadequate chinese and general repulsant quality. Idk i dont see myself enjoying this trip and what's worse it's for 18 fucking days. I should have purposely flunked promos so i could transfer school and skip the taiwan trip; a double-barreled shot, so to say. I'd be really guilty for my buddy, but... Sigh idk.

I've been trying to see beyond my problems and help people with theirs of course (great feeling there) but for most, if they have any at all they're doing a damn good job at hiding it. Not a bad thing, but it makes me question if anyone else is facing the type of problem i am. Even seemingly like-minded people turned out not so, somewhat a sign that i may have put my trust in the wrong people. Unless something happens to redeem them... Ah well.

Life really sucks hard now, i can feel the goodness dripping away. There's nobody (willing anyway) to go out with and even when there are they're with their PW groups (not a possibility for mine). What do i do with nothing to look forward to in the future? I attempt to change the future, i guess...

Time

Today i learnt to play Time by Hans Zimmer. It's a sombre, haunting, lachrymose piano piece, that serves as a sobering reminder that no matter how hard we try to keep things the same, no matter how hard we cling on to our memories, the past is the past, and all that has happened eventually is washed away, as much as we'd like it to stay. Time will always slip from our grasp, and there is nothing, absolutely nothing we can do to reclaim it. There's a lot of emotion in this piece, with sorrow, hatred, anger, bewilderment and nagging emptiness thrown in the mix. Somehow i can feel it when i play the song.

Perhaps this is because i feel the same way about time. I have many regrets, and would give anything to rewind the clock, and start over, start afresh. Perhaps in a world where i never applied for council, where i never joined canoeing, where i was friendly sooner, where i never joined band first... Where i never came to NJC.

Coming to NJC is a decision i deeply, sorely regret. Treated like JC students from day 1, we lost a secondary school experience. I was foolish then and in my many moments of folly, i came to the situation i am in now. A situation which i hate, loathe and despise. But no matter how much i loathe my decision five years ago, the only thing i can do to change it is to transfer out now, which is now, in my own hands. Im starting on the letter for the schools, which, if circumstances bid so, i will send.

I've lost so much time, and so many things in the past.

I regret.