All-in

I'm going to begin writing the letter to send to prospective JCs. The verdict on softball isn't out yet, but when it does I want to be prepared. Nothing has really happened to keep me in this school yet, so better safe.

OP preparations are going well, I -think-. I really want it to be over with so i can start enjoying life :( sian why mine so late.

Of note is the impending taiwan trip. With a waning or perhaps non-existent sense of belonging among them enjoying the trip is something i can only hope for. Communication will probably be a problem due to my woefully inadequate chinese and general repulsant quality. Idk i dont see myself enjoying this trip and what's worse it's for 18 fucking days. I should have purposely flunked promos so i could transfer school and skip the taiwan trip; a double-barreled shot, so to say. I'd be really guilty for my buddy, but... Sigh idk.

I've been trying to see beyond my problems and help people with theirs of course (great feeling there) but for most, if they have any at all they're doing a damn good job at hiding it. Not a bad thing, but it makes me question if anyone else is facing the type of problem i am. Even seemingly like-minded people turned out not so, somewhat a sign that i may have put my trust in the wrong people. Unless something happens to redeem them... Ah well.

Life really sucks hard now, i can feel the goodness dripping away. There's nobody (willing anyway) to go out with and even when there are they're with their PW groups (not a possibility for mine). What do i do with nothing to look forward to in the future? I attempt to change the future, i guess...