Honestly my life's a joke. I don't like it at home, I hate it in school, I don't have a secondary school refuge to go to and the only place I feel comfortable, where I the fucking atheist can belong, is in church. How does such irony even occur? I hate life and people say you shouldn't, but honestly whether muted or not, an innate disgust at life lives within everyone. I know what I'm saying with a strong word like 'hate'.
It would be nice to get away from it all. 也許因此我期待去臺灣. A small part of me is probably hoping I get expelled so I can get out of fucking NJC. I leave the house just to wander because I don't want to be at home. Some people say you should stop running away from your problems but I see no way of resolving anything without making more problems or overcoming blatantly insurmountable obstacles. "Make the cards life deals you into a winning hand", so they say, but all I really want to do is fold right now. This isn't even purely sorrow, it's like a sad anger, a burning hatred for the unkindness of circumstance.
I'm a lost sheep. With no shelter to belong to to take cover from the storm, and no one to brave it with me, there's nothing left to do but to fight it, and eventually succumb. And I'd have to be extremely stupid to hope for a miracle now, because in all honesty they don't happen. Life can only snowball downhill and get worse from here, and I guess there's nothing to do but sit in it to hell.
Just my two cents.
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