If you think it's all over"
-Imogen Heap
Today has been absolutely disastrous. The first thing that went wrong was marks checking, of course. I did so badly that im certain im fucked for A levels. But the worse was yet to come.
Today i learned vcheng banned all softball trainings till the end of the year, due to an accident during a training. There is a high possibility we'll be disbanded altogether. What the fuck. Honestly softball was one of the main things that kept me sane in this school. If it disappears, there's really nothing here for me. But it gets worse.
I've got a friend in softball who retained. And though it isnt -my- problem, i worry about it more than if i got retained. I guess it is my problem because we're quite good friends, but i've only ever let two other people's problems affect me this much. It was an absolute mood destroyer because of a compound problem. He left all his whatsapp groups, but didnt leave the softball one. And if we are disbanded, there is nothing for him to stay for. It's a double blow, and im praying hard it doesnt happen. I swear i will transfer out if we get disbanded fuck NJ.
I've honestly had enough of this place. It's an environment where grades define people, and though i have quite a few good friends here, if i could leave, i would. I dont believe things will get better (for me), contrary to much popular belief, as things have only ever worsened. Today is a testament to how life can really fuck with you, and not even by fucking with you directly. Am i even sane anymore?
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